Photo by Michał Parzuchowski on Unsplash

“Live light. Offload internal and external baggage for peace within and calm without.” — Laurie Buchanan, Ph.D.

It’s official! You are on your way to the airport after several months of planning a tropical vacation with your friends. You are so thrilled and cannot wait to show off your new luggage set (yup, the set you ordered online for a discounted price at Amazon). To remain on the safe side, you filled your luggage with clothes that you might not even wear — its only purpose is to serve as a safety net. Now you have two 29” sized rolling suitcases packed with clothes, personals, and stuff! Yeah, I said it, stuff…

Your Uber driver arrives at your drop-off destination and helps you unload your hefty suitcases. As you head to the check-in area of the airport you are met with a small hurdle that you were unaware of. The airline only allows one free carry-on bag and a checked bag. For a second checked bag under 50 lbs. you must pay $60. So now what?

The above scenario is a common mishap in the travel world and could happen easily. As you might have noticed by the title of this article, we are not talking about traveling per se but referring to how unprocessed emotions from past experiences negatively impact current and new experiences. In the travel analogy, unnecessary clothes were packed just because of comfortability and familiarity which bred a sense of security. Overpacking came with an unexpected cost and could have been avoided if trust was placed in only the needed items.

Ready for some good news? Well…it is not uncommon to use past life experiences, good or bad, for personal growth and as a form of learning. Past experiences can inform the future and provide certainty which is a basic survival skill— ultimately protecting us from pain and suffering. As the wise folks always say, “we must learn from the past and live in the present”. But are you living when you are holding onto the very things that set you back?

But are you living when you are holding onto the very things that set you back?

Let’s be clear, we all carry some sort of emotional trauma from the wounds of our past. However, the extent to which emotional trauma manifest itself and weigh us down may look differently from person to person. It is the clutching of those past experiences, the steady accrual of negative unprocessed emotions, and emotional overload that lead to feelings such as being stuck and weighed down. This is what we call emotional baggage. These emotions are undealt with and pushed to the side out of habit. They lie dormant until they resurface in our attitudes and behavior. This means that others can see your baggage even when you cannot. When the baggage gets heavy it can impact your relationships, finances, career, or even your health.

Here are some examples of baggage impacting the external world around you:

1. You cheated on a partner and now carry your guilt into your new relationship,
2. You have been told you are unattractive so you compare your looks and life to those on social media and require “likes” to feel validated,
3. You have been ghosted by several partners and now you question if you could ever be loved,
4. Your parents only tolerate your sexuality, so you push away potential lovers out of fear of disrupting the family system.

Whatever the situation don’t let the baggage cost you — hang it up!

Whatever the situation, don’t let the baggage cost you — hang it up!

There are different types of emotional baggage including guilt, regret, fear, inner-criticism, shame, and stress. You may be experiencing one type in high intensity or may have a combination. Regardless, it is important to understand each type and how they affect you as you transition into the unpacking and healing process.

GIF by WE Tv from giphy.com

Unfortunately, some individuals maneuver through life adding more baggage weight by not dealing with their emotions and struggling with letting go (FYI…letting go does not mean to forget). They pack more and more of those unprocessed emotions into their subconscious until they are completely overwhelmed, impacting their ability to cope and function. Just remember, you are not defined by your baggage and at any point you can turn over a new leaf. So before you explode, I want to offer you some ways to free yourself from the weight of past traumas and help you move into a new lifestyle with reduced baggage. It all starts with you! You have to be ready to work toward change, no one can force it. In the words of my spiritual mother, Iyanla Vanzant, are you ready to do the work?

6 Steps to Unpacking Emotional Baggage

1. Identify the Source. Identifying the source of baggage is crucial in the unpacking process. It’s literally like finding that annoying ache in your back that has been causing so much anguish. Understanding the origins of the problem can help you choose the right course of action. This is similar to how a doctor navigate symptoms to make a diagnosis in order to provide appropriate treatment. Take a moment to map out where the baggage came from by writing it down. It is important that you do not ponder on the source! Identify it and move on to the next step.
2. Acknowledge and Process Your Emotions. You found the source and now realize there was a reason that you packed away your emotions. Instead of packing them away, recover the emotions attached to the source so that it can finally process correctly. Do this by owning your feelings. Admit to the wrongs but do not become the wrongs. You are not your pain, you just feel pain. Also know that your feelings are valid and you are allowed to feel. Admittance will open the doors to recovery and allow you to take control.
3. Reflect. Why did you feel the way you did? Was it anything you learned from the experience? What triggers do you have? Reflecting on your emotions will allow you to see patterns and can provide you with new ways to respond to pain. Journaling and meditation are great tools to utilize during reflection. Even Michelle Obama reflected on her experience as first lady in her memoir ‘Becoming’.
4. Let Go. This may be the toughest thing to do, but it is necessary. Detach yourself from the baggage and leave it where it belongs — in the past. If you are struggling with letting go revisit the reflection phase.
5. Develop A Spiritual Code of Conduct. Iyanla Vanzant talked about this during her visit at the 2017 Essence Festival. Developing a spiritual code of conduct sets guidelines for how you behave and provides you with what’s acceptable and unacceptable. By placing your trust in a higher spiritual power, you remove validation from man. Having a spiritual code of conduct grounds you and lays the foundation for who you are, what you stand for, and what you will not tolerate.
6. Seek a Professional. It is okay to seek help. Professionals offer new insight and they work with you as a collaborator in the unpacking process.